VICTIM BLAMING OR ACCOUNTABILITY- KUKUA APPREY WRITES

I will never stop talking about how people need to revisit their past(specifically their childhoods) to make sense of their present life situation and their future.

I am a big believer in ‘Arranged Marriage’.

Mind you, I didn’t say “Forced Marriage”, but ARRANGED MARRIAGE. There’s a big difference.

I used to be a master match- maker: all my couple matches were in thriving relationships that ended up in Marriages.

To the glory of God, my discernment is super (I am very intuitive) and so it’s not hard for me to figure out who will be a good pairing for another person.

You are probably wondering why I am talking about arranged marriages with regards to Reggie Zippy and his ex-wife, Edith Ward.

Well, it is because a little bird whispered to me that Edith’s family told her from day one that Reggie Zippy wasn’t a good guy for her to date.

Unfortunately(well, children are a blessing and so it isn’t unfortunate), she fell pregnant and they got married…

I have all the belief that these two(2) love eachother. Still ! One thing I often say is that most relationships do not end because the couple do not love eachother: they end because they reached a point where they no longer have the energy to work out their differences.

This is different from those relationships where one person was never truly in love, but was taking advantage of the other party. Those are two(2) different experiences.

We can say what we like about Reggie Zippy, but what we cannot call him is ; “ugly”. Well, there is no one in this world who is ugly, just that some people are more visually striking than others.

He’s a good looking guy. You have to give that to him. His facial features, facial structure and his physique are on point .

I understand why Edith Ward would see him and be attracted to him. Besides, she met him at the height of his music career.

According to Edith Ward, she met Reggie Zippy through a Mutual Friend in Italy, when he went there from Ghana, to perform at a show.

There’s new research which says that people with these two(2) Cluster B Personality Disorders; Narcissistic Personality Disorder(NPD) and Histrionic Personality Disorder(HPD), are often drawn to careers in Politics and Entertainment because such careers puts them in the limelight.

That is not to say that every Politician or Entertainer has traits of Cluster B Personality Disorder, but a significant number of them do!

Edith paa, you met a man who uploads more photos of himself on the Internet than you do, and you didn’t find that concerning? Ei!

As far as I am concerned, people who run to the Internet and post every single detail of their life on here(the Internet), require and feed on these External sources of validation more the Average Joe does.

The NEED for External Sources of Validation and Attention is often associated with Narcissistic Personality Disorder(NPD) and Histrionic Personality Disorder(HPD). This HUNGER for external sources of l Validation is known in Psychology as “Supply”. Therefore, they need “Narcissistic Supply’ or ‘Histrionic Supply’.

Let’s look at their childhoods-they were both raised by single mothers and had absentee fathers. Being rejected by a person who gave you life is Traumatising. Their REJECTION can affect your overall sense of identity. We cannot downplay that. Not at all!

For most of my life, I have been lucky to be in the company of those who are far older than I am . Some of these persons were family, and some others were friends.

Here’s what I will say about their experiences of not listening to their families’ warnings about their choice of life partner- all of them realised in Marriage, that the things their loved ones warned them about with regards to their spouse, were true.

Unless you believe that your family and friends are toxic(yes, some people have toxic family and friends), why do you think someone who has genuinely loved you all your life, will give you bad advice?

Yes, there are some marital objections which are rooted in mere prejudice. Like the ones based merely on Race, Tribe, Ethnicity and Nationality-at least get to know them as a person first, before passing judgement. Notice I didn’t add ‘Religion’ to my list of prejudiced objection? I am of the opinion that Religion is way too integral and sensitive to make concessions about. Most people derive their Belief system and Values from their Religion. Values and Beliefs aren’t things you should circumvent(sidestep).

Quite recently, a Podcast discussion between a female Podcast host and former Miss America, Deshuana Barber, went viral because Amani Talks(the host of the Podcast) stated that she’s made a firm decision after some horrible experiences, not to date any man who did not grow up with an active and present father.

Truthfully, any one(man or woman) who didn’t grow up with either or both parents, should be approached romantically with caution.

Parental Abandonment is a very, very, deep wound. Your partner’s pain from that rejection is something you are going to have to go to ‘battle’ with for as long as you are together.

Exceptions should be made for those who have recognised the pain and hurt that came from their experience of Parental Abandonment, and have dug deep and healed.

Sadly, not everyone is self-aware and introspective enough to take these steps, and so the pain festers and eats them up, and you(their spouse) are very likely going to become their emotional/verbal punching bag .

I believe that if Reggie Zippy sat with a Psychotherapist he feels comfortable with, he would cry his heart out, because underneath all that macho and uncompromising behaviours, is pain!

When his mother passed away in 2021, I took notice of her age. At the time, he was 37, and she was aged ; ’55’, when she died. Meaning Reggie Zippy’s mother gave birth to him when she was 18.

Reggie Zippy himself had his first son and got married by age 24.

To me, it is ill-advised to have a child or get married before one turns 25: the human brain’s frontal lobe does not even develop until we are 25. What business do you have choosing a permanent life partner or having a child before you hit the scientific age of maturity(25)?

The way Reggie Zippy was mourning and making posts on Social Media when his mother passed away, I felt he was experiencing a Mental Breakdown. It shouldn’t come as a surprise: his mother is all he’s known. Plus, they were extremely close.

Also, Edith Ward(his ex-wife) disclosed to Caleb Nii Boye in her recent interview that she only established a relationship with her father a year before he passed away.

The sort of Narcissistic supply Reggie Zippy required to fill the void of his father’s Abandonment was way too much for him to have stuck to Edith, his ex-wife alone.

A significant number of Narcissistic people are serial cheaters: they don’t even think Cheating is a big deal. Which is why Reggie Zippy is so incensed by Edith Ward, his ex-wife, divorcing him, and is doing everything in his power to ‘penalise’ her, by making their newly established co-parenting relationship, unpleasant and unbearable for her.

Dear Religious couples, not every marital problem is resolved through prayer.

Sometimes get your spouse some professional help, and let them battle their psychological and emotional demons with a psychotherapist.

I am sorry to disappoint you, but your ‘Love’ cannot heal anyone. Only they can do that-they need to do that by bravely confronting their Childhood Experiences.

Any other means will be futile

#relationship#childhood#selfawareness#healing#healingjourney